Paired Up with Rob Collins, Part One: Connecting the Dots

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To me, a golf course is like a mirror. It’s a reflection of what was put into it. If you’re happy with just slapping shit around, and throwing a bunker there, and putting a green there and thinking ‘whatever, that’s fine’–what you get reflecting back at you is going to be dead behind the eyes. But for us, all the thought and effort and energy that was put into this place reflects back at you.


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Tires came to rest on the gravel outside. Inside the shed, I blew heat into my hands, trying to stay warm on an early-December morning while Nash, the new General Manager, cleaned up after the not-yet-house-broken shop dog, Birdie – a young black lab mix. The door to the shed swung open, and Rob walked in.

“Sorry I’m late, but you guys gotta see what I picked up on the way here.” Nash and I followed Rob out to his car, leaving Birdie behind as punishment for bad behavior.

Rob cut open a box of items custom made for pitching a project to a potential client, laying them out on the hood of his car, each piece possessing unique detail. The box closed, and back inside the shed he showed me paintings he had commissioned for pitching several other projects, all by artist Josh Bills.

“Is this a normal thing for golf course architects to do?” I asked. “No, definitely not,” he responded.

Don’t be fooled by his 6’6” frame and a bass voice typically reserved for Coors Banquet Beer ads… Rob Collins has a creative, child-like enthusiasm for his work, and it reverberates around this golf course he designed and built.


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Why did I want to play with Rob?

“It’s like you guys just got back from church camp.”

That’s what my friend’s wife said two days after our first trip to Sweetens Cove this past August. All we were missing were homemade tie-dye shirts and friendship bracelets.

The experience stuck with us like it has with many others. Scroll through Sweetens Cove’s social media pages and you’ll see golfer after golfer rave about their trip, often comparing it to a spiritual experience.

Since then, I’ve wanted the answers to two questions: what makes this place feel sacred, and why does it stick with you like a religious experience? So I hopped in the car and drove down to South Pittsburg, Tennessee—located 30 minutes outside of Chattanooga—to play a round with the man who designed and built Sweetens Cove Golf Club.

Sweetens Cove: A Brief History

South Pittsburg is the kind of town where NPR would do a 10-episode true crimes podcast about the suspicious death of a local blacksmith – or some other career you weren’t sure was still a thing. Previously, the main attraction in town was the headquarters and factory store of Lodge Cast Iron skillet, an item that a young couple would register for two of and then never use either.

I first heard about Sweetens Cove a year and a half ago from a friend of mine who had just started playing golf. He raved about this course in South Pittsburg, TN that had only nine holes, a 10’x20’ green shed for a clubhouse, and a bright blue port-a-potty for a restroom. He was so new to the game that I didn’t trust him, like when your friend goes to New York for the first time and then tries to give you dinner recommendations. That’s how you end up at the Olive Garden in Times Square.


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The story of Sweetens’ origin has been told countless times now, and even though this piece is about Rob, it’s important you have a general idea of how things got started. After losing his job with Gary Player’s firm due to the recession in 2008, Rob moved his family back home to Chattanooga. In 2010, he co-created King-Collins Golf Course Design firm with his business partner, Tad King, and their first project was a redesign of Sequatchie Valley Golf and Country Club, a completely flat, uninspiring, or as Rob describes it, “Sack of shit,” nine-hole golf course in South Pittsburg, TN. Rob and Tad rebuilt the course for $1 million—which would typically cost $8-10 million—and as the renovation neared completion the ownership abandoned the project. So Rob and another business partner negotiated terms to take over the lease, making him the principal designer, head pro, general manager, and entire maintenance crew.

The course had a quiet opening in April of 2015, limping along the first couple of years. But in August of 2017, a piece was written in the New York Times about Sweetens—one of the reasons Rob says the course actually survived—and soon afterwards the golf community latched onto this place, bringing more golf publications like the Golfer’s Journal, The Fried Egg, No Laying Up, and more to feature Sweetens. Now it has a cult following in the golf world, and people from all around the country make the trek to rural Tennessee.

Fore Please, Rob Collins Now Driving

Opening tee shots were hit into the cold December air, and as Rob and I walked down the first fairway of a completely empty course, I had two thoughts going through my head. First, I couldn’t remember the last time I felt short—it was maybe back in college when I was a manager for Tennessee’s basketball team, but the feeling was different because Rob didn’t ask me to do his laundry or lie to the coaching staff about skipping class that day.

Second, I had only met Rob 10-minutes prior, but I felt like I had known him for 10 years He has a comfortable, welcoming presence, just like the first hole of his golf course. “The first hole is an introductory chapter,” Rob said, “and by the second hole you’re getting into it.”

Rob wore jeans and work boots, the kind of attire you’d dread from a random pairing at your local muni, but this guy has some game. On number two we hit our approach shots from next to the “2Pac” bunker—a small pot bunker in the middle of an expansive fairway—and Rob knocked one stiff, later making the putt. It made me want to stop by Cabela’s on the way home to swap out my Puma’s for some Timberlands.


An Illustration of 2Pac Bunker

An Illustration of 2Pac Bunker

Up ahead on the third fairway, I got an early glimpse of what makes this place work.

Give A Damn

“Three, four, and five are the energy force of the course, the heartbeat that you can really fundamentally feel when you’re out there. It’s like chapters in a book, or acts in a play – the course is kind of building.”

In the third fairway, I shot Rob a distance on my rangefinder while he thumbed through his clubs, deciding which one to hit. He paused to show me what was in his bag. He has a set of custom-made irons from National Custom Works—a company co-founded by Patrick Boyd, Sweetens’ former GM who helped Rob get this place off the ground.

“I don’t have any numbers on these irons, but instead each one is stamped with the initials of someone involved in the Sweetens Cove story, so it took me a while to remember which club was which,” Rob told me. One club had Tad King’s initials, his business partner, alongside his wife, father, sister-in-law, Patrick, and several others. These gorgeous, handcrafted irons were made infinitely more beautiful with someone’s spirit attached to each. Side note: I like the idea of being able to blame someone else if I hit a bad shot with the club their initials are stamped on—I may have to get my own set.

Then a minute later as I walked up to the third green, Rob said, “Sorry for having my phone out, I’m just checking Zac’s score.” Zac Blair is a professional golfer who was playing that same day in the Web.com Tour’s Q-school in Arizona, attempting to keep his card and status for the following golf season. Rob’s firm has signed on to design and build The Buck Club, a course and idea that Zac conceived out in his native Utah and is currently raising money to get it started.

Rob fixed a pitch mark as we walked off the green, and in the heartbeat of the golf course, I started to see the heartbeat of the man who built it: Rob Collins gives a damn.

He gives a damn about everyone who helped Sweetens make it to this point, so he stamped their initials on his irons, carrying their spirit on his back anytime he plays. He gives a damn about his friend Zac, digging through his bag to find his phone on a cold morning to track Zac’s scores as he plays for his livelihood. He gives a damn by fixing random ball marks on every single green.

He gives a damn to commission paintings of potential golf holes so his clients can see his vision. He gives a damn to have a company custom make items so his clients can physically see and feel their brand’s potential with him. Furthermore, he gives enough of a damn to walk out into a freezing-cold puddle, boots completely submerged in water, to reach out and attempt to unclog a leaf-covered drain.


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The damn givers—those are the kind of people that are inspiring to be around, and that’s who Sweetens attracts to their staff.

Their Superintendent, Brent Roberson—who we ran into after hitting our tee shots (into the water) on number six—used to work at a club in Jupiter, FL with a budget of $1.6 million and a staff the size of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. But he took the job at Sweetens where the budget is significantly lower and with a staff the size of a pre-teen heartthrob boy band. His favorite part of working there? “Making it all work, getting all of the work done on a shoe-string budget with a skeleton crew.” Brent gives a damn.

Also, look at Nash Pater, the new GM, who has worked in the golf industry for 20+ years all over the country. He chose to come to Sweetens where his office that morning was a non-insulated shed with a portable heater. Nash gives a damn.

With three damn givers running the show, it creates a family atmosphere. Maybe they do have something in common with the Times Square Olive Garden after all: when you’re here, you’re family.

However, giving a damn is a learned trait, not one you’re born with, so on the seventh and eighth holes I wanted to discover what drove Rob to this point.

“Hey Peter, What’s Happening? I’m Gonna Need Those TPS Reports”

After growing up in Chattanooga and graduating from McCallie School, an all-boys college-prep academy, Rob spent his college years at Sewanee, where he was an art history major. How’d he pick that?

“It was easy,” Rob said, “I was interested in it, but I’ll be perfectly honest—I went to a high school that was competitive, two to three hours of homework each night, and I was completely burned out when I got to college.”

In college, he said he tried hard enough to get by, but he wasn’t serious about it. “I’m not proud of it, but that’s the reality. As a result of that attitude I wasn’t in a position to do anything worthwhile or interesting right out of college.”

How would he describe his jobs post college? “I was literally Peter from Office Space. I just had this shitty, sales assistant, paperwork job. I remember a time where I went to a movie during lunch break,” Rob said, making me laugh. I hope it was Lord of the Rings, or something over three hours.

“It was a reality check that doing that kind of stuff is not what I wanted to be doing with my life,” he said. “Around that time is when I got the courage up to go back to grad school and pursue what I really wanted to do.”

In 2002, he went to grad school at Mississippi State for landscape architecture with the sole intention of being a golf course architect. He credits architect Rick Robbins for giving him his first break, which was an internship. Then he got the job with Gary Player’s firm, his first real job in the industry, finally feeling like he was where he belonged, saying, “I felt like I was laying the ground work for the things I needed to learn, and I felt like I had a place.”

Ahead on the ninth hole, I was about to see what he did with that sense of belonging, and the reason this nine-hole golf course felt sacred.

Connecting the Dots

“To me, a golf course is like a mirror. It’s a reflection of what was put into it. If you’re happy with just slapping shit around, and throwing a bunker there, and putting a green there and thinking ‘whatever, that’s fine’ – what you get reflecting back at you is going to be dead behind the eyes. But for us, all the thought and effort and energy that was put into this place reflects back at you.”

Standing on the ninth tee, I looked over my shoulder at the rest of the property behind me, seeing all of the rolling mounds, the expansive waste bunkers, the undulating greens, and I couldn’t imagine that this land used to be completely flat. It reminded me of touring the David sculpture in Italy, and how Michelangelo described his creative process as asking, “What does this want to be?” and then pulling the sculpture out of the block of marble. I asked Rob if he was familiar with Michelangelo’s concept—completely forgetting that he was an art history major—and it lit a creative fire in his eyes. It was like I asked someone who’s obsessed with Crossfit if they’ve ever been to a gym.

“Absolutely—he was pulling away the unnecessary parts,” Rob said, then relating it to his work. “One of the biggest parts of golf course architecture for me is connecting the dots, eliminating the dead space, and tying the pieces together, where nothing is a throwaway. The best golf courses excel at that.”


The view from behind the ninth green, overlooking the entire golf course. (August, 2018)

The view from behind the ninth green, overlooking the entire golf course. (August, 2018)

We walked up the left side of the ninth hole, a 140-yard par three with a waste bunker running all the way from the tee to the green—and another waste bunker up on the hillside behind the green—both peppered with fescue, all protecting the 11,000 square foot green which falls drastically down the hillside from right to left.

“You can take this green as an example,” Rob continued. “This green is tying way up into that hill—the right side of this green is probably 10 feet higher than the left. Built on a hillside, the green takes up all the space it needs to. I could’ve stopped the green up here (motioning to the left center), but it ties the whole space together for it to be looping down in here, and then it has a tight relationship to the bunker, it goes down and relates well to that slope over there, and relates to that other slope. This thing filling up the space and tying the pieces together is so much of what good architecture is. I think, in a sense, Michelangelo is eliminating the unnecessary pieces of marble, and by tying greens and making it so big and all over the place, we are eliminating the unnecessary parts, too.”

That’s when I finally connected the dots. I came down here wanting to write about Rob and not the course, but then I realized that they are one and the same. The golf course mirrors his life—every hole a reflection of his story.

Number one is going back to grad school to pursue his passion. Number two is receiving an internship, getting his feet wet in the industry. Number three is landing his first full-time job in the industry, working with Gary Player’s firm. Numbers four and five are when he felt like he belonged in the industry, like he had a place. Number six is the recession, a low point—the hole where both of our shots came to rest in the bottom of the lake. Number seven is starting King-Collins with Tad King and accepting the renovation project of Sequatchie Valley. Number eight is building Sweetens Cove, taking a chance on a bold design. Number nine tee is taking on the lease of the property, looking ahead at the work left to finish the job. Finally, number nine green is his whole story coming together, because you can’t get to number nine until you make the journey from holes one through eight.

That’s why this place is sacred, because every part of his story is baked into the DNA of the golf course. The signature tree standing tall behind the green is the New York Times piece, finally putting Sweetens on the map. The cascading hills of the ninth green are the Golfer’s Journal article, which featured the beauty of Sweetens. Every part of his story resides here—even the hard times. The waste bunkers surrounding the ninth green represents the hours spent at dead-behind-the-eyes office jobs. He pulled his story out of a flat field in South Pittsburg, TN like a sculpture from a block of marble.

We need more people like Rob Collins—people who are fully alive and doing what they were put on earth to do. We need more damn givers and less people going to the movies on their lunch break.

I was inspired by Rob’s story, and I want to mirror his traits as I head into 2019, to really give a damn and pour myself into what I’m here to do.

As we walked off number nine back towards the shed/clubhouse/snack bar/pro shop, I had one more question that needed an answer.

Why does Sweetens stick with you like a religious experience?

I found that answer while we sat and talked on the steps of the shed after the round.

More in (a much shorter) part two, coming the first of the year.

Paired Up Intro, Part two: The Winds of Change

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What are you gonna do with all those damn pictures?!


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My family booked a weeklong vacation in Banff, Canada for the last week in June. If you’re unfamiliar with Banff, it’s where white people go to take a bunch of “candid” shots for their Instagram. About a month before the trip, I did what any golf addict would do: I Googled “golf courses banff canada.”

There’s a trick to squeezing a round of golf into a non-golf vacation – you have to sell the itinerary maker on it. Now, I’d be doing a disservice if I glazed over the process of how my dad puts together a trip itinerary. When he and my mom travel to a new place, he creates an itinerary that details every waking second of the day. Then he’ll have a graphic designer create a unique logo just for the trip that he uses as a letterhead for each page, and this logo usually ends up on t-shirts to commemorate the trip. Yes, Griswold-esque. Here is the first page of our eight-page Banff itinerary.


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Besides award-winning itinerary making, my dad’s greatest interests in life are golf, photography, mountains, and Tennessee Volunteers. To sell him on adding a round of golf to the coveted itinerary, I just needed him to see one photo of Banff Springs Golf Club, as it checked three of the four boxes. The next morning, he forwarded me an email with a subject line, “Thank you for booking a tee time.”

As far as scenery goes, Banff Springs is the most beautiful golf course I have ever played. Labeled as one of the most scenic golf courses in the world, every hole is carved through a forest of Evergreens, surrounded by mountains so close that you feel like you might hit an errant shot off of one. A few holes even run along the gorgeous, crystal-clear Bow River.

After originally opening as a nine-hole course in 1911, and later lengthened to 18 holes in 1924 by Donald Ross, Banff Springs was again renovated and rerouted again in 1928 by Stanley Thompson – Canada’s most successful golf architect – as tourism started to explode in Banff. The course today still plays to Thompson’s 1928 design, with the order of holes shuffled slightly over time. The signature hole is the 192-yard par 3 fourth hole named Devil’s Cauldron (pictured above), featuring a steep drop from tee to green over a glacial lake, right at the foot of Mount Rundle, and named by Golf Magazine as one of the top 18 holes in the world. This was the tee box where our photo taking first got under Herb’s skin, but more on that later. (For the golf nerds, I encourage you to check out this detailed piece by Riley Johns)

The weather during our trip had highs in the mid 60’s and lows in the 50’s, nothing too extreme… except this day. I lived through many hurricanes while growing up in Central Florida, but the wind this morning at the course was by far the strongest I had felt since then. My thin Under Armor pullover was no match for the biting wind that plummeted the temperature into the low 40’s, which was particularly jarring when I had flown in two days prior from 100-degree Nashville.

Since we were only playing one round on this trip, we decided to use rental clubs. The moment I set my bag down at the range, the wind blew it directly over, and as I turned to pick it up, my hat blew off 15 yards into the parking lot. We tried to hit a few warm-up shots, but the range faced directly into the wind, and it was hard to even get a shot airborne. I grabbed an eight iron out of the rental set, and at impact of my first swing the club head flew off into the range. What had we gotten ourselves into?

“Last call for the Wilson twosome. Last call for Wilson.”

So, why were we late? Well, I needed to run to the car to snag an extra fleece my dad brought – thanks, dad – and then I was in the golf shop trying on different beanies and contemplating spending $50 on those goofy, oversized Titleist mittens while the staff swapped out my 8 iron. I scrapped the hat and mittens idea, grabbed the club and fleece, and walked out to the cart expecting to shoot my highest round in a decade.

“I think it’s just us,” my dad said as we drove to the first tee, but soon we noticed another cart near the tee box.

Herb and Jill

A couple in their early 70’s, Herb and Jill, were waiting for us by the first tee. Herb wore a red FootJoy windbreaker, and Jill donned a black, full-length parka with the hood up and draw strings pulled tightly around her face like the kid from A Christmas Story. Her chin and eyebrows never saw the light of day during our 5-hour round. If I bumped into Jill with her hood off in the hotel immediately afterwards I wouldn’t be able to recognize her.

“Took you long enough!” were the words Herb decided to use as his introduction to two total strangers. Herb wasn’t one for subtly or nuance.

With the group in front of us still in the fairway, we had a few minutes to chat before teeing off. This is where I first learned about Herb’s communication style: up close and physical. 80% of Herb’s conversation with you happened a foot inside of your personal space and with a hand or two on your shoulder – kind of uncomfortable for a friend to do, and especially uncomfortable for someone I met 30-seconds ago. I pretended to get something out of my bag by unzipping random pockets just to get a little breathing room. Meanwhile, Jill sat quietly in the cart, arms crossed, hood pulled tight.

When playing with strangers, the first conversation topic usually swirls around assessing everyone’s game to see what we can expect for the next few hours. Herb mentioned that he and Jill were members at a club back home in Denver. He asked about my golf background, and I said that I used to be an assistant at a club in Chicago, and now I just play a fair amount where I live in Nashville. But what Herb heard was this: I am a die-hard Chicago sports fan, so please ask me a lot about Chicago sports.

He asked if I was excited about the Cubs finally winning the World Series, and I said, “Sure – I mean I’m not a Cubs fan, but like anyone, I was glad to see them win.” Then he insulted the Bears a couple of times, and I said, “Oh, I’m not a Bears fan. I only lived in Chicago for like two golf seasons. I’m actually from Florida and have now lived in Tennessee for about 10 years total.” That didn’t matter – he was going to keep making Chicago sports jokes all day.

After opening instructions from the starter, we tee’d up our first tee shots. I hit a 5-wood that I thought was a 3-wood, but with the high altitude and the freezing-cold wind I was too shook by the elements to even notice the misclub until a few holes later. My dad and I recorded each other’s opening tee shots as Herb and Jill waited up by a forward tee. On our way back to the cart, Herb asked why I took a video, and I told him it was just for fun. He seemed perplexed.

You don’t have to be a professional photographer to have the constant urge to get your camera out at this golf course. I like taking pictures, but not compared to my dad. Guess how many photos he took in our week in Banff. If you guessed 1,219 then you would be one thousand photos too low. So on number two, the first of the gorgeous mountain backgrounds – and my current phone background – we took a few photos while teeing off. Again, Herb asked why, and I told him I thought the background was gorgeous. Then ahead on the green, I rolled in a long birdie putt, followed by Herb yelling, “You should’ve gotten a video of that!” I laughed and sarcastically said, “I don’t really like taking videos,” to try and lighten the mood.

We drove up the hill to the signature fourth hole, Devil’s Cauldron, and I was excited to see the view in person from what I had seen countless photos of online. Herb was waiting on the tee for the group in front of us to clear, and as I walked up with my phone out, Herb came over and put his hand on my shoulder saying, “I guess you’re going to want some pictures of this hole too, huh?” I moved over a few feet and told him I’d be happy to send some his way after the round, but he said he’d take some himself if he wants any. We were officially under his skin.

To change the subject, I asked Herb and Jill what their plans were this week in Banff – maybe trips to different lakes, hikes, or drives to any glaciers – and Herb said, “Nah, our only plans are to play here today and Silvertip Golf Course on Thursday. Other than that, no plans really.” A weeklong international vacation with no plans? I thought my dad was going to faint, but that wasn’t in his itinerary.

Storm’s a-Brewin’

The round continued, and our picture taking lessened as the sun disappeared and the sky darkened. Ahead on the ninth fairway, two storms were about to hit us at once.


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I hit my drive up the right side of the par five, and Herb hit his over to the left. When we approached my ball, my dad looked to our right and saw that the hole runs along the Bow River, and just beyond the river was another view of a mountain that was disappearing into a fog, or so we thought. As you might guess, he got his camera out and walked to the shoreline while the group ahead was on the green. That’s when, from across the fairway, we heard, “What are you gonna do with all those damn pictures?!” Herb had reached his boiling point.

No sooner than his words were yelled across the fairway, the fog to our right turned out to be a storm cloud, and rain came blowing off of the mountain at 30+mph. When the wind is howling at that rate, even the lightest sprinkle feels like an eye-wall of a hurricane. We all slugged through the ninth, and drove to the clubhouse for warmth, while rain pelted our windshield. I couldn’t help but believe deep down that Herb’s disposition brought the rain.

At the turn, our group had a little pow wow to see if we wanted keep going, which we all voted yes. While I grabbed a coffee and a beanie, hoping to regain feeling in my hands and ears, Jill leaned over to me and said, “Don’t let Herb bother you – I told him he needs to cool it.” Maybe it was her comment, or the frigid wind and rain, but Herb was much more subdued the rest of the day.

We drove over to the 10th hole, where the weather had only worsened. Instead of continuing to describe how insane the wind/rain/temperature combo was, I’ll let this video of my tee shot on the 11th hole serve as an explanation.

By the 11th green, the storm blew away as quickly as it appeared, and on the 12th hole the sun was shining like a mid-summer’s day. The only reminders of the storm were our wet clothes and the tumultuous wind, which intensified as the day carried on.

My favorite part of the property was the 15th tee box, an elevated platform at the foot of the Wes Andersen-looking Fairmont Banff Springs Hotel. I sat on the left side of an empty bench to take in the view, and Herb plopped down right in the middle, violating every socially agreed upon law of bench sitting, and asked me if I made it to many Bulls games. I smiled and said yes, but not in the past five years.

Approaching the 18th green we were sad that the round was over, but happy about getting indoors to heat and a change of clothes. We glanced back towards the tee and saw another stunning mountain view. My dad looked at me and said, “We haven’t had a picture of just the two of us today, so let’s ask them if they’ll take one for us.”

“I’m not about to ask Herb for a picture,” I responded, thinking Herb might bash my phone to pieces with his putter.

“Fine, I’ll ask him,” my dad said, showing no fear.

Finals putts were holed, we shook their hands, and as soon as Herb turned his back to walk off the green, my dad discreetly tapped Jill on the shoulder and whispered, “Jill, would you mind taking a picture of us real quick.” He chickened out, and I don’t blame him.

After the Round

Over beers back at the hotel with my mom and sister, we told them about the wild day we had on the golf course with the mountain views, the insane wind and rain that gusted across the course, and then we mentioned a couple things about Herb and Jill, followed by more about the weather. Regardless of what we had to say about the day, they only wanted to hear more about Herb and Jill.

That’s when it hit me. It doesn’t matter how crazy the conditions, how distinctive the course was designed, or what you shot. The most interesting part of each round is the people you play with. Golf attracts people from all walks of life, and along with their clubs they also carry their stories – stories that I have been avoiding by dodging random pairings left and right.

This round in Banff opened my eyes to how much more fun golf is as an act of exploration. What you shoot is the least of your concerns, and instead you are exploring a new city, country, or corner of the world, walking miles through a massive piece of land.

Better yet, when you’re paired up with a stranger, you get to see this exploration through their eyes too, taking a much-needed break from the lens you look through 24/7. Plus, for me, this resulted in playing better golf. When this clicked, even rounds back home at my local muni became infinitely more interesting.

They were no longer the same boring holes I’ve played countless times. Now they were a 90-minute walk with Sam, the eccentric owner of a local pizza shop, or James, a guy working his way up the ladder at Dell – and their stories are fascinating if I just take the time to listen, to understand one simple truth of each conversation: there’s more going on here.

So that’s what I’m setting out to do with Paired Up. Instead of ignoring my fellow golfers, I’m going to seek them out, whether it’s a random pairing or planned, and I’m going to share their fascinating stories – stories that go far beyond any scorecard.

My goal is to show you that the most unique feature of every golf course is the people who inhabit it – even if your picture taking bothers them to their core.

(Here’s a photo gallery of some of my favorite’s from Banff Springs. Click on the photo to scroll through them.)

Paired Up Intro, Part one: I Hate Getting Paired Up

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I’m sorry, we have a lot of money riding on this match

“Now calling the Wilson twosome at 10:27am. Please report to the first tee.”

Yes, we did it!

My dad and I hopped in the cart, took off to the first tee – excited to be playing with just the two of us – but when we curled around the corner of large evergreens, there stood our playing partners, Herb and Jill, an older couple from Denver.

Damn, we thought we were in the clear for a father-son round in the Canadian Rockies.


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I hate getting paired up. I always have.

Every time I show up to a public course I fear having a promising day of golf spoiled by Bob, who is out for his bi-annual round of golf.

Do I have anything against Bi-annual Bob or his golf acumen? Absolutely not. I used to be an assistant pro at a club in Chicago, and that line of work will teach you to play with golfers of all ability levels. The issue is that who I came to the course with that day is precisely who I wanted to play with.

Sometimes it’s a group of friends that I haven’t seen in a while, other times it’s my dad and brother out for a family round, or maybe the last couple hours of daylight where I want to walk my local muni with headphones in. Regardless of the scenario, I will avoid a random pairing like a discounted sleeve of Volviks at a Golf Galaxy checkout counter.

Due to this way of thinking, I could teach a Master Class video series on how to get out of potential random pairings at golf courses. Could it be a Ted Talk? Maybe, but only if I’m moved to tears by a data point on a graph.

How do Random Pairings Happen?

Before I share my (in hindsight, embarrassing) list of ways I have avoided random pairings, let me explain how these pairings come about for my non-golfing brothers and sisters.

Golf courses, especially public, want to send every group out with four players. If every group has four players, then they are to their max capacity, which earns their maximum amount of money, and the pace of play should be consistent. When you arrive to a golf course with less than four players, you open up the possibility of being paired with random players to fill up a foursome.

Pairing up can happen in several ways once you are on the property, with the most common way being told by the pro shop while checking in that they have found players for your foursome. Next would be from the starter – a retired man who takes his role as seriously as a soldier storming the beaches of Normandy – looking at his tee sheet and finding another pair to put with your twosome. I’d feel less pressure chipping off a putting green under a flood light for $9 million than I would messing with a starter and his tee sheet. The final most common way is having a group behind you catch up to your group, or vice versa, where the combination of groups equals four or less players.

How do you avoid that? Well, to use a phrase out of place, fortune favors the bold. Also, it’s important that you know that I know these are downright shameful –that’s why there’s a part two coming.

Here *were* my seven favorite ways to escape getting paired up:

one:

My absolute go-to, foolproof way to avoid a random pairing is booking a tee time for four players, showing up with two or three, and telling the pro shop/starter that your other players are running late and are going to meet us on number two or three.

Think of a number between 50 and 80. Got it? Ok, well I have used this excuse more times than that number. The golf staff doesn’t want to run the risk of more than four guys in a group, so they let you go, and by the time you are making the turn back near the clubhouse, they will have completely forgotten about the whole thing. It’s the golf-equivalent of “saving a seat for someone” next to you on a Southwest flight – everyone forgets once the plane takes off, leaving you with extra legroom and three random mid-season episodes of The Blacklist with no context.


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Two:

In college, my group of friends would always play this well-below-average public course in Knoxville. It was the kind of place that we played so many times to the point where we were just nostalgia blind to its shortcomings. We still to this day know every break on every green, where the yardages are mismarked, and where to find the coveted “speed slots.” However, we don’t know what happened to the sketchy pro shop worker once we left school, because when we asked about him on a reunion trip weekend, the staff got weird and didn’t want to tell us. But… this isn’t a true crimes blog.

Anyway, this course had an unbelievable amount of play, so being approached at the first tee by someone wanting to pair up was almost guaranteed. But when I would play with my friends Steven and William, they would shoo away potential playing partners by saying, “Sorry, we have a lot of money riding on this match.”

How ridiculous must that have looked? It’s not just that we were in college, but we all had that private school, Chick-Fil-A cashier look – where everyone looks five-years younger than their actual age. The only thing I could’ve wagered back then were my on-campus dining dollars. But, it always worked.

Three:

With a lot of these excuses, it’s not what you say but how you say it – and that’s maybe more true with this one then any others. Years ago I was playing with a friend I hadn’t seen in a while who was in from out of town. A random guy approached us on the first tee asking to join us. When this happens, you have to respond immediately. If you hesitate, you’re toast.

I turned to him and immediately said, “Normally I would, but I haven’t seen my friend here in a really long time, and we’d like to play together and catch up if that’s ok with you.” If you say it correctly then they’ll immediately back off and let you go.

After it worked that first time, it became a regular, even when I’m playing with my regular group. When you add, “If that’s ok with you,” no one has the guts to defy that – besides Patrick Reed, and you’re better off letting him play through anyway.

I’ll roll through these last four quickly, but first I need to tell you about the setup at my local muni. The closest golf course to my house in Nashville is a city course that has 27 holes, and during the summer months I’ll walk nine holes before dark, often finishing in complete darkness.

Two of the three first tee boxes are viewable from the pro shop, with the third requiring a blind four-minute walk. If one of the nearby tees is open, I’ll peak down both fairways to see if it’s crowded ahead, and then hop on one of those and go. If they’re packed, I’ll take the blind leap of faith and walk to the far nine, hoping that there’s not a crowd when I get there.

With three separate nines and the most crowded place in town, I have to get creative. I’ll rank these on the shame meter – 10 being the most shameful, 1 being a regular human capable of empathy.


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Four:

One time I really wanted to listen to a certain podcast while I walked nine, so I had my headphones in on the first tee. Someone walked up and asked if they could join, and I told him, “Man, I’m sorry but I have to listen to this thing for work tomorrow, so I’m going to be no fun to play with.”

He asked what it was, and I said, “It’s a keynote from a sales conference that I missed, and I have to write a report about it tonight.” He looked confused, so I said, “Hit em well,” and walked my lying-ass down the first hole with an NBA podcast in my ears. Shame level: 6.7/10

Five:

After seeing the first two nines were crowded on every hole, I walked to the far nine hoping to see an empty tee box. Number one had two groups waiting on the first tee and a group in the fairway, so I cut through 30 yards of thorny woods like I was Leo in The Revenant looking for my son’s killer, and threw a ball down on the second fairway just to avoid the terror of playing with strangers. Shame level: 7.2/10. Scraped-up ankles level: 8/10.

Six:

In the same vein as the last, I was walking to the first tee box one evening when I saw a guy about 60 yards behind me that I kind of knew back in college, but haven’t seen in years. He’s the level of friend that if I saw him at Whole Foods I’d give a we-know-each-other head nod, but not a stop-and-chat friend – much like a group-project friend. Knowing he would for sure catch me on the first tee, I walked right past the tee box, down the first fairway, and tossed a ball down at the 150-yard marker and played from there while he waited back on the tee. Disgraceful, but avoiding the ceremonial, “Hey, do you have the same number? We should hang out,” conversation was worth the walk of shame. Shame Level: 8.5/10.

Seven:

Lastly, even times where I tee off alone, I still run the risk of being caught up to by the group behind or catching up to the group ahead. If I’m on the green with a group behind me in the fairway, I will “read a putt” for three or four minutes like I’m Tiger trying to force an 18-hole playoff with Rocco, just to buy time for the group ahead of me to tee off. If I need more time, I’ll intentionally blow the first putt way past the hole, and then start the whole reading process over. Avoiding a random pairing takes commitment, even if it means sacrificing a stroke to the golfing gods. Shame Level: 9.3/10.

It’s best that I stop this list at seven before a) you lose any remaining ounce of respect for me, and b) I break the shame meter.

In the end, what have my Malcolm Gladwell 10,000-hours of pairing dodging done for me? They have stolen the joy out of an evening walk at sunset and replaced it with stress and constant worry. They have made booking a tee time much more difficult. Most importantly, they have closed my eyes to the most unique feature of any golf course, and that’s the people who inhabit the place.

Without a wild round in the Canadian Rockies this summer, I’d still be stuck in pairing-avoidance mode. As we drove to the first tee, I couldn’t figure a way out of this pairing.

What changed my mind? A 30mph sustained wind, driving rain, a camera, and a retired couple from Denver. More in part two tomorrow.

If you’ll excuse me, I missed another sales conference that I have to write a report on. I’m sure you understand.